Hypocrite!

Auld Langs Syne never really made a whole lot of sense to me. In the chorus we sing to forget about old friends forever and in the next damn verse we're singing about holding their hand a drinking to the old time with them. Come to think of it, I don't like the song that much. So, I guess it fits the holiday because I don't like it much either.
I had a good friend in high school who claimed that her favorite holiday was New Year's. She was quite into theater and said that she thought of the year as a production and New Year's Eve was the final bows. Or some sort of crap like that. I have never been one to really like New Year's Eve. I think that it is probably my least favorite holiday - it's even ahead of Valentine's Day (because in high school lon Valentine's Day my friends and I would gather together with ice cream and watch love sucks movies).
The beginning of a New Year the end of an old one is supposed to bring some sort of relief to people. This year was lousy, but there's the hope that next year will bring the Publisher's Clearing House Prize Patrol and Brad Pitt (or Angelina Jolie, whoever you go for). I, on the other hand, just feel a whole lot of dread. Fuck, will this be the year that I break my foot again or perhaps it's the year I will file for bankruptcy.
The animosity I have for the holiday I suppose comes from the fact that my new years have been getting progressively worse since I graduated from high school. I can count on my hand the things that really made me happy in 2004 - and yes, a less superficial person might count good health and a loving family as one of those things but I'm not that kind of person. I know there are those who are a lot worse off than I am, but right now I'm not thinking of them. I'm thinking of me since that's what I'm writing about. I got to meet Kevin Smith in 2004 and that was a big thrill. I have a job and it's a good one. Sadly, though, I can't really think of anything else.
Mostly the last night of 2004 left me feeling very alone. My parents called around noon and sister called at midnight to welcome in the New Year. It was surprisingly nice to hear from her. She's been calling more often now than she used to. It's nice, but I have a feeling that it will be a while before I hear from her again now that her boyfriend's back in town and school is about to be back in session.
The first few days of 2005 have been slow and it looks be be another stellar year. But, hey, at least I have a place to live, a family who loves me, a good job, right? After all, that's what you were thinking. How can she complain when there are so many people so much worse off than she is? Doesn't she know how lucky she is?
My answer, I don't feel like being grateful or gracious. And I haven't been lucky since 1999.
Happy New Year!!!!